Everything About Your Insecurity: Why You Feel ‘Not Enough’ and How to Break the Pattern.

Let me ask you something. I've ever looked at someone who seems confident and wondered why your own confidence feels like it has a slow leak. You wake up, you try to get through the day, and once more comment or comparison is enough to make you second guess your worth. Most people think insecurity is a personal weakness. No it is not. It is a learned pattern, and the danger is that it hides in plain sight. You carry it into rooms when 1 is looking at you, into conversations when one is judging you, and into opportunities that you talk yourself out of.

For many people in our generational world today, insecurity started long before we knew the world. Some of us grew up with conditional praise from our parents. Some of us learn to measure our value through social comparison. Some of us went through experiences that taught the brain to expect rejection or failure even when the environment is safe. This is the same result. You either hold yourself back or you overcompensate. You silence your idea at work, you avoid certain places because your body is not good enough.

You cling too tightly in relationships or keep people at a distance and you don't know why. The pattern feels stronger than your logic. You should stay in this episode because I will break down the rule psychological drivers behind insecurity in such a way that is simple and easy to understand and recognize in your own life. You will see why your mind reacts the way it does and why it feels automatic and why you have more control than you think. I will also walk you through a clear framework you can use to separate who you are from what you fear, and how to convert the emotional energy behind insecurity into something that helps you instead of holding you back.

By the end of this conversation, you will not only understand the roots of your insecurity, you will know what to do with it. And in case you don't know, this is the morning gear with Danny and I am Danny Jordan Z educator. I'm here to transform your identity by refining your mentality. Let's get into it.

Hey, you find one welcome back to the morning Get podcast and I'm saying a big welcome to my new and existing listeners, happy new ones. And this is in celebration that we made it to the last month of the year 2075. It is such a blessing. It is such a blesser. So before I dive into today's topic, the reason why I'm talking about insecurity today is because OK, within the week I stumbled upon my journal. I have been journaling quite a while now and I was just going through my journal and I saw that actually wrote about this topic with an intention to talk about it on the podcast.

But then I have not been able to do that. And reading through that brought me back memories and one of which is my own insecurity, which I'm going to let you know in a few minutes time. So I decided to make an extensive research on the topic and bring it to you today. So growing up during birth rather during birth, I was born and I sustained an injury. I sustained an injury called shoulder dystosia, which resulted in health Parsi. So in a normal layman terms, shoulder dystosia is just an injury that affects your nerve cells on your arm.

It's a dislocation on your shoulder that affects your nerve cells and every and other things in your arm. I don't know the old scientific jargon, right? So these shoulder dystosia injury resulted in EPS Parsi and it has certain effects, which includes my arm having a limited mobility arm shortening. So there's it's, it's, it's reduced my arm length and muscle formation and some other things. But then I was not noticed till I grew up. I started currently I'm about 666162 feet. So This is why I was able to even notice.

This is what made this condition very, very prominent. And it has been a major insecurity for me because it looks weird. It's not normal. I walk in the world and people look at me. In fact, I hate wearing short sleeves 'cause when I do a lot of was stirring longer, the dandy shoots there and makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me want to come out of my own skin. I'm not comfortable in my own skin, in my own body, and it has been a major problem for me. But then I would see if within the past few weeks I have been able to.

I've been working on myself, so to speak. And I means I think a several certain level of self acceptance which was not there before. So I can confidently work out and rock my short sleeve and I do not care anymore, right? And this is because of the mentality or mindset shift, which I will introduce you one of the 6th framework of the mindset shift, especially the last one in particular, those one I applied and I shifted the whole game for me. But then we've all been insecurity, insecurity, insecurity.

What actually is an insecurity? Well, for me, in my own terms, I would say insecurity is a feeling or something about ourselves that we don't like, show something or feeling some know about ourselves that we don't like. The results in the feeling of not being good enough, not being sufficient enough and all that thing. But we give you more standard definition. So the most common and accepted psychological definition of insecurity, particularly in a psychological and emotional context generally agreed upon by psychological and dictionary bodies, defines insecurities as a sense of inadequacy, inadequacy, inadequacy meaning a sense of not feeling good enough, insufficient, a sense of failing to meet a particular standard of requirement, that feeling that you are not qualified or incapable.

So that's why insecurity, says insecurity has a sense of inadequacy in one or more areas of your life, a lack of self-confidence and difficulty coping with uncertainty, change or potential failure slash rejection. And this definition is from the American Psychological Association, but in a more concise style. It is a feeling of lacking confidence and not being sure of 1's own abilities or if or if other people like 1. So it comes in two forms 1, you lack confidence in yourself and trick also shows in you not knowing or you contemplating or you being particular whether somebody likes you or not.

But then during the course of everything, I began to wonder where does insecurity actually come from? Do you know? Let's talk because it is so weird that insecurity is a particular thing or problem or issue that everybody actually faces at some point in their life. And it is not widely talked about. It is not widely spoken on. So I began to wonder, which led me to do a deep research. What does in what does insecurity come from?

I'll tell you insecurities primarily, primarily come from the gap between the idealized self we are told we should be and the reality of who we are. I'll come again, insecurities primarily come from the gap, a gap between the idealized. When it's idealized, the lay down, the normal. Let's put it down with the normal self we are told we should be and the reality of who we are. The origins are complex but generally started here. Early programming. So the subconscious mind absorbs messages. Absorbs messages from primary caregivers, your teachers, your parents, and early media about what makes a person valuable subconsciously so while you grow up, your mind absorbs messages from primary caregivers like your parents, your school teachers, your teachers are in church, from the media, things you watch about what it makes a person valuable.

So you you just grew up. Now they have start confirming you to EG beauty, performance, compliance, ETC. And if these messages were overly critical or conditional, the foundation of self worth is weak. Another where another place's repute is originated from his unmet needs. According to mass laws hierarchy if safety, that's a stable environment. Oblonging needs were chronically unmet. The individual brain remains on high alert, always seeking validation that they are good enough to stay safe and accepted.

So that's another way insecurity generated on mating. It's maybe your parents are the kind of people that go out every time or yeah, don't always dare to talk to you if you have anybody to talk to you. And suddenly when you find that person you want to hold on tight, you don't leave that person, you feel insecure or this person might need me anytime soon. No, you can't go anywhere.

Those are insecurities another way, which is like a major police origin of insecurities, cultural and societal standards. And I hate society for this, so to speak. I hate societal conformity. Who is the society? Why would he confirm you and you you blindly follow?

I'll talk about something after this. We are constantly measured against an ever shifting external yardstick EG media image images, financial success metrics, body ideas, ETC. Insecurity is often the result of failing to meet unrealistic expectations or collective expectations. I don't know if any of you had this, but there's a storage rounding over lady who went to go and do tummy talk because of what at 21 you're doing tummy talk. And then the implication that came after it. And I'm sure if you were going to go and question this lady, you understand that the major vision she did this was because of societal conditioning, societal construct.

As a lady, you are supposed to have figure it. As a lady, you are supposed to have big hips, big breasts, a moderate forehead, clumpy lips.

You're supposed to be tall, slim. These are societal conformity. Who defined your beauty? Who defined for guys? You must. You must have, must kill her body. You must have 6 packs. You must be tall, probably fair or caramel with pink lips and have money and big Dick and sort of sort of the nonsense they talk about. And you are the accepting who defined your beauty. They're coming to that. So there are major drivers of insecurities. The major driver of insecurity are fundamentally rooted in attachment theory, cognitive psychology, and social learning theory and the O LED or core belief I am not worthy or safe unless I meet an external condition.

So that is the core belief of any insecurity to the major. One of the major psychological or scientific driver of insecurity is conditional love attachment theory. Insecure attachment styles arise when a primary caregiver loves. A primary caregiver's love and attention were inconsistent or dependent on the child's behavior. Do you get so this is how Insecute is actually started when a primary caregiver's love and attention were inconsistent or dependent on on the child's behavior. So if you're you're good, you get love.

If you're bad, you don't get lost. You take first position, the kids came for you take Class A woogie.

So you feel. You feel. You start your life with a 0 balance. Every achievement, complement or good deed is a small deposit. Every mistake is a withdrawal. You constantly fear bankruptcy. That is rejection. So you want to be accepted. You want to be accepted. You know you don't feel enough by yourself. You need somebody to tell you are enough. You need that love. Conditional love. Another way this can show is social comparison theory. Humans have an innate drive to evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others.

Innate though that means it is in bold, like it's in you. And this process is exacerbated exacerbated by upward social comparison. Comparing yourself to those who seem better. Why not compare yourself to those who you know you are better than, especially on social media, Google and compare themselves to do we don't know? Do you know what they are going through? Do what is behind the camera. Do you know the health condition yet? He compare social media and created images are like a fun house mirror that only reflects the very best angle of everyone else.

Making your normal flawed self look distorted and inferior by comparison. Spending hours on Instagram looking at models or PS successful careers and concluding I'm not successful, I'm not beautiful enough despite you having a good life. That's insecurity issues in different ways, different different forms. There's also the learned helplessness repeatedly exposed to negative events over which a person had no control. So when you are repeatedly exposed to negative events which you have no control over them, it can lead you to believe that you are fundamentally powerless even when you later have control over it.

Do you get so you were shocked repeatedly as a child when you tried to cross a line meta metaphorically, even after the boys turned off, you still fear and avoid crossing that line because your pain is tried or trained to expect pain. And I thought we avoid seeking the promotion because they experienced chronic severe criticism from your boss early in their career, even though their current workspace is supportive. So their major forms and kind of insecurities, which I'm, I'm telling you that if you won't even have even to break free from this integrity trap, you must understand the forms and types of it.

How do they show? What color do they come in? What brand do they come in? And this is what I'm going to tell you now. Insecurities often cluster around specific ideas of life, and they are displayed through defensive. Behaviors or avoidance one OK appearance insecurity I call this divisible insecurity or visible slash invisible because somebody appearance some is beauty which involves body appearance might be visible while others might be invisible unless you are naked. Yeah, so feeling dissatisfied, self-conscious or inadequate above 1 physicals, appearance, weight or height or any specific feature.

And this is displayed in certain ways #1 avoidance, refusing to take photos. Like me, I hardly take full body pictures, I only take selfies. So it is a display of my own insecurity cause of my body. Some people display their own by wearing oversized concealing clothes, avoiding mirrors or swimming. In fact, I don't think I wouldn't swim of recent because I'd how do I how do I look in your face? You get that's an insecurity other who can display true fixation, excessively grooming, dieting, working out or even spending money on clothes cosmetic to fix the perceived flow.

And the thing with this thing is that they're not fix me for themselves. No matter the shenanigas or the yeah, yeah, yeah, they will tell you about, they're fixing it for people the way people view them. And that is my problem. So example, a person who constantly checks their reflection and uses and refuses to attend the poverty because their body isn't good enough. The person doesn't see a flaw in their reflection, they see a flow in the mirror that is their self perception and no amount of fixing of fixing the reflected image will fix the internal distorted lens.

2 Social insecurity fear of social judgment criticism, rejection, exclusion a feeling of all belonging or not wanting of not knowing how to act in a group this closely we take related to social anxiety avoidance turning down invitations, avoiding eye contact list how they displayed the turned out invitations, the avoided contact being extremely quiet in groups or constantly checking the phone during social events or they do overcompensation, they talk too much talk, telling exaggerate exaggerated stories online, being overly aggressive or boast or boastful to try and control the narrative.

Relatable example is maybe someone who has a great idea in a meeting but remain silent, convinced that your colleagues would think that he or their his or his or the idea is very stupid. Another example or form is the professional performance insecurity. So doubt about one's competence, intelligence skills or professional pot potential. This is this often leads to the imposter syndrome. So having imposter syndrome is a form of insecurity, the feeling that one success is under deserved or undeserved and one will soon be exposed as a fraud.

So people will display it with self sabotaging. So procrastinating on much major event, turning down promotions or avoiding challenging assignments. Or they do it by overworking perfectionism, obsessively checking work, or constantly seeking external reassurance of praise from maybe their supervisor or their boss, etcetera. For example, a highly skilled executive who attributes a major successful project to Locke and immediately begin to worry about the next one because he's terrified of failure.

There's also the relationship insecurity, fear of abandonment, low self worth with a partnership and constant worry that no ones that will your partner will losing stress or live and this is often linked to the anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment style.

I'm really speedy the crispy this with clinginess. So people that you think I'm just clingy is a lie is a lie. You're not just clingy detects ex excessively being constant reassurance. Ask us another do you still love me? And becoming inventionally jealous of friends or coworkers. Or then they test written arguments to drama or drama to test their partner's commitment. Or constantly monitoring their partner's social media account because they are insecure. Someone who has a panic attack if their partner does not reply to a text within the next 30 minutes and they just immediately assume that that silence means they're being cheated on or abandoned.

That is an insecurity. So let me give an analogy analogy. It's like this person is an empty bucket seeking to be filled up with their partners love. But because the bucket as a whole which is their self like loose self worth, the love is constantly being drained out, requiring endless feeling or revealing. And these are the major ways people see insecurities people. These are the major forms of insecurities. But then do you know that for each and every security insecurity guy is not handled, there is a major consequence in the future.

It is also a whole lot of things and it's important that you know this at least that would be your major driving force to work on dire insecurity because it always have consequences like that gear. Now we've seen the consequences of insecurity. See what here I resorted to actually why she giving birth completely. No, she hasn't. But then see her stomach called. So it is essential that you also understand that for every insecurity there is a consequence. And I'm going to let you know what these consequences are.

Consequences of not dealing with insecurities, leaving them unchecked is dangerous. Insecurity does not simply remain a feeling, it becomes a core driver of maladaptive behaviors that significantly harms 1's life, relationship and mental health. So major consequences involves self sabotaging show avoiding opportunities Jobs states because of the fear of failure thus creating a self fulfilling prophecy when the person confirms that they are belief that they are unworthy. Ish through is can also be linked back to confirmation biases.

So you so sabotage yourself because you feel that you are not enough or worthy to go for the opportunity for that date. These are consequences and this keeps you limited. This keeps you worth limited to toxic relationship insecurities to address a person to either clink or push away primitively rejecting to avoid being rejected.

Double relationship in security. It was a person to either cling that is the anxious attachment demanding constant reassurance or push away. That's the avoidant attachment primitively rejecting to avoid regime being rejected. So you are rejecting to have been rejected or you demand constant reassurance because you want don't want to be pushed away. This is also consequences of insecurities being not taken care of. Three, this is the most important I would want to talk about today. Or perverted or compulsive sexual preference.

Yes, unsolved deep seated insecurity can contribute to the development of certain perverted or compulsive sexual behaviors. Thus, paraphilias, if a person feels powerless, insignificant, or worthy in their everyday life, they may seek sexual experiences that involve a power control. Power control, engaging activities where they feel entirely in control or dominant to compensate for the feeling out of control in their life or objectification seeking partners who objectify them as this aligns with their core belief that they are not worthy of genuine emotional connection and only surface labor.

And that's why you see people that say I don't like men that are soft hearted. I like my men to beat me There's a there's a inner drive to that see compulsive seeking using sex pornography or risky behavior as a form of intense temporary validation or self sooting to distract from the chronic pain of low self watch mental health disorders.

Some people is also results in the feeling of wanting to be need accumulated. Who wants to be feel people who know their sexual preference is being humiliated most of the times is because of insecurities. Yeah, there are some people like that. They want to be humiliated, they want to be made feel don't we need to feel less than they actually are And that is a sexual preference. So this is mostly as a result of their insecurities. But now I'm giving you a six step on conventional mindset framework to overcome insecurities.

And this remove focuses on actionable with framing based on modern concept like radical self acceptance, embodied cognition and exposure therapy. Step one, the identity divorce. So the mindset shift here is that you need to separate your condition from your identity. That's for the body. Insecurity is not who you are. It is a topic or a problem you have to manage.

You can take the action today. Write the following sentence down three times, filling the blanks. You can see I have the inverter, the insecure condition. Then you're not right. But I'm not the inverter, the insecure condition. For example, I have Ebb's spouse here, but I am not my disability. I didn't even call it a disability 'cause it's not. I have a fear of being judged, but I'm not a failure. So to give a deep analogy of what this this, this thing is, you should understand that you can own the car now, but you're not the car.

If the car breaks down, your value as a person still remains intact, so that your insecurity should not be. Your definition should not define you. You get so you need to understand that your insecurity is not who you are, but it's something you need to manage to embrace the vulnerability. Vulnerability tasks, mindset shifts. Acknowledge that imperfection is the cost of entry for human being or for being human. Improvising the cost of entry for being human. Stop seeking 0 weeks. Accept that vulnerability.

The risk of judgement or rejection is the tax you have to pay to live a full life. So you assume that you need to be vulnerable to live a full life, but that the vulnerability is the tax you pay for even the full complete life. So one thing you can do today is deliberately do one thing today that you've been avoiding because of an insecure insecure thought. Or start small but in security, EG small Dick or something like that. Or big tummy or fat wears not fitting clothes. Or wear loose fitting clothes one day and actively stop yourself from adjusting.

Opening up the mirror too much and you can constantly look up the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough if you even have to look at the mirror. You, I know if you are good looking, you are beautiful, you are handsome. It works, believe me, it does. So social insecurity, raise your hand to ask question. If that's your insecure social insecurity, raise your hand to ask questions even if your voice is slightly shaky. Your life is a club with a high cover charge. Insecurity wants you to wait outside onto the charge is waived.

But now the mindset is you pay the charge, you get in and you stand dancing. So that is the mindset I want to charge 3 competence and not confidence. Competence not confidence. Confidence is the side effect of competence. It is not the starting point. Stop waiting to feel confidence. Start doing small concrete concrete things to build competence. The action creates the feeling. So for a professional skill or for professionals or skill based insecurity, you could dedicate 15 minutes to deliberate focused practice on the skill you adapt.

Example, if you feel presenting, practice the 1st 60 seconds of your next presentation alone until you do Florida State. You don't you, you will not feel confident about the whole thing, but you feel competence about the start. You know you don't feel confident driving a car the first time you sit in it or you become competence by practicing cheering and breaking and the confidence will now appear. So the more you engage in that doing that in, the more your confidence is built, built up the Step 4, the 10/10/10 rule for rumination, insecurity, strive on rumination.

That's the endless clinical or yes, cyclical worrying. The endless cyclical worrying. Here's a structured fielder to break that cycle actionable step when a strong insecurity or insecure thought pops up. Example, I look ridiculous in this outfits. Right order to look at yourself and ask this three question. Will this maintain the next 10 minutes? Will this maintain the next 10 months? Will this maintain the next 10 years? See this rule is is acting as a temporary magnifier. It instantly shrinks the perceived size of the current wall by placing it on a much larger context, revealing that most insecurities have a shelf life of about 10 minutes.

Yes. So whenever you look at the body armor, say that this farts only matter, it doesn't. Step 5, the So what? Drill mindset shift. Desensitize yourself to the worst case scenario. This is of avoiding the total rejection and failure. Deliberately embrace it and accept it. Identify the person's security. EG your corkers would think you are stupid. Now follow up with that. And then they don't think you're calling me, think you're stupid. Think like this. And So what? What if they do think and what?

What then will happen? Sophie, I don't ask this question. I will sound stupid. One more thing. I'm going to ask a question today and I will sound stupid. And then what? My coworkers might slurp or laugh and So what? I will feel embarrassed for a minute and then words. The meeting will move on and So what? I'll still have my job, my home, my life, my friends, my everything. This is a psychological fire drill. You practice the escape route, what you do after the worst happens. So when the next fire alarm, that insecure thought rings, you already know the building won't burn down number six, which is like my best without the fuel, The Alchemist.

So treat the painful energy of insecurity as a raw intense fuel, but change the engine that uses it. Stop using it to run the shame engine trying to prove people wrong and start using it to run the purpose engine improving yourself growth The next time you feel a spike of insecurity. Example, after an E internal critique, acknowledge the energy spike. Move the channel that that that restless energy into a disciplined action that serves your core values and not your ego. Example. He love scrolling through social media for validation.

Use the nervous system to clean your works place and read 1 chapter of a book related to your future goal. You are an alchemist. The negative emotion of insecurity does. The lead has a lot of energy and your job is to convert a high intensity lead into a good sustainable effort that serves your future and not your past. Your insecurity should be your motivation, but then it has a side effect if it is your major motivation. And is only motivating you to go and do something or if you not do that thing, it will come back again.

So not just seeing it as a motivation, but seeing it as a reason to try, but seeing it as as a reason to re channel that energy as a part of your existence rather as part of your existence. Right. Live about the stereotype. Live about the stereotype. You're what more You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're smart, you're creative, You matter just the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is beauty in diversity and it is what gives life beauty, color, tune, everything. Your insecurity.

You don't have flat tummy. You don't have big boobs. You don't have big boards, you don't have a good jaw line, you don't have dimples, you don't have pink lips. It should be your unique difference. In fact, it should be called unique differences, not insecurities.

So this should be your motivation to stand out from the crowd and succeed and not a reason to question God's creation. This is not a reason to question God's creation. So looking back, you've been able to cover the definition of insecurity, where it comes from, the major forms, the consequences, and the unconventional system frameworks of insecurities. My final take or thoughts on this is that yes, insecurity, your insecurity is valid, but like I said, you are, you own a car. That car is like your insecurity, right?

It is part of you, but it is not you. But it is your duty to manage that car. It is your duty to manage that insecurity. It is your body duty to fuel. It's your duty to use it for a better use. So turn that insecurity into your own for turn that insecurity into a reason to thrive.

Yeah. So I hope this podcast spoke to you in any way. And if you did, I want you to

share this on your story, on your Instagram story, on what type statues, whatever. Invite someone to listen, rate the podcast, subscribe to the channel or source or follow the podcast wherever you listen on Spotify, on YouTube, on our podcast. And yeah, take one tiny step today on the insecurity and take that tiny step to make sure that your insecurity is not going to work against here.

I can always say your struggles don't define you, your mentality, it transforms you. And I'm here just to inspire you and I hope I did. Peace.

Field Notes