Everything About Your Insecurity: Why You Feel ‘Not Enough’ and How to Break the Pattern.

Let me ask you something. I've ever looked at someone who

seems confident and wondered why your own confidence feels like

it has a slow leak. You wake up, you try to get

through the day, and once more comment or comparison is enough

to make you second guess your worth.

Most people think insecurity is a personal weakness.

No it is not. It is a learned pattern, and the

danger is that it hides in plain sight.

You carry it into rooms when 1 is looking at you, into

conversations when one is judging you, and into

opportunities that you talk yourself out of.

For many people in our generational world today,

insecurity started long before we knew the world.

Some of us grew up with conditional praise from our

parents. Some of us learn to measure our

value through social comparison. Some of us went through

experiences that taught the brain to expect rejection or

failure even when the environment is safe.

This is the same result. You either hold yourself back or

you overcompensate. You silence your idea at work,

you avoid certain places because your body is not good enough.

You cling too tightly in relationships or keep people at

a distance and you don't know why.

The pattern feels stronger than your logic.

You should stay in this episode because I will break down the

rule psychological drivers behind insecurity in such a way

that is simple and easy to understand and recognize in your

own life. You will see why your mind

reacts the way it does and why it feels automatic and why you

have more control than you think.

I will also walk you through a clear framework you can use to

separate who you are from what you fear, and how to convert the

emotional energy behind insecurity into something that

helps you instead of holding you back.

By the end of this conversation, you will not only understand the

roots of your insecurity, you will know what to do with it.

And in case you don't know, this is the morning gear with Danny

and I am Danny Jordan Z educator.

I'm here to transform your identity by refining your

mentality. Let's get into it.

Hey, you find one welcome back to the morning Get podcast and

I'm saying a big welcome to my new and existing listeners,

happy new ones. And this is in celebration that

we made it to the last month of the year 2075.

It is such a blessing. It is such a blesser.

So before I dive into today's topic, the reason why I'm

talking about insecurity today is because OK, within the week I

stumbled upon my journal. I have been journaling quite a

while now and I was just going through my journal and I saw

that actually wrote about this topic with an intention to talk

about it on the podcast. But then I have not been able to

do that. And reading through that brought

me back memories and one of which is my own insecurity,

which I'm going to let you know in a few minutes time.

So I decided to make an extensive research on the topic

and bring it to you today. So growing up during birth

rather during birth, I was born and I sustained an injury.

I sustained an injury called shoulder dystosia, which

resulted in health Parsi. So in a normal layman terms,

shoulder dystosia is just an injury that affects your nerve

cells on your arm. It's a dislocation on your

shoulder that affects your nerve cells and every and other things

in your arm. I don't know the old scientific

jargon, right? So these shoulder dystosia

injury resulted in EPS Parsi and it has certain effects, which

includes my arm having a limited mobility arm shortening.

So there's it's, it's, it's reduced my arm length and muscle

formation and some other things. But then I was not noticed till

I grew up. I started currently I'm about

666162 feet. So This is why I was able to

even notice. This is what made this condition

very, very prominent. And it has been a major

insecurity for me because it looks weird.

It's not normal. I walk in the world and people

look at me. In fact, I hate wearing short

sleeves 'cause when I do a lot of was stirring longer, the

dandy shoots there and makes me feel uncomfortable.

It makes me want to come out of my own skin.

I'm not comfortable in my own skin, in my own body, and it has

been a major problem for me. But then I would see if within

the past few weeks I have been able to.

I've been working on myself, so to speak.

And I means I think a several certain level of self acceptance

which was not there before. So I can confidently work out

and rock my short sleeve and I do not care anymore, right?

And this is because of the mentality or mindset shift,

which I will introduce you one of the 6th framework of the

mindset shift, especially the last one in particular, those

one I applied and I shifted the whole game for me.

But then we've all been insecurity, insecurity,

insecurity. What actually is an insecurity?

Well, for me, in my own terms, I would say insecurity is a

feeling or something about ourselves that we don't like,

show something or feeling some know about ourselves that we

don't like. The results in the feeling of

not being good enough, not being sufficient enough and all that

thing. But we give you more standard

definition. So the most common and accepted

psychological definition of insecurity, particularly in a

psychological and emotional context generally agreed upon by

psychological and dictionary bodies, defines insecurities as

a sense of inadequacy, inadequacy, inadequacy meaning a

sense of not feeling good enough, insufficient, a sense of

failing to meet a particular standard of requirement, that

feeling that you are not qualified or incapable.

So that's why insecurity, says insecurity has a sense of

inadequacy in one or more areas of your life, a lack of

self-confidence and difficulty coping with uncertainty, change

or potential failure slash rejection.

And this definition is from the American Psychological

Association, but in a more concise style.

It is a feeling of lacking confidence and not being sure of

1's own abilities or if or if other people like 1.

So it comes in two forms 1, you lack confidence in yourself and

trick also shows in you not knowing or you contemplating or

you being particular whether somebody likes you or not.

But then during the course of everything, I began to wonder

where does insecurity actually come from?

Do you know? Let's talk because it is so

weird that insecurity is a particular thing or problem or

issue that everybody actually faces at some point in their

life. And it is not widely talked

about. It is not widely spoken on.

So I began to wonder, which led me to do a deep research.

What does in what does insecurity come from?

I'll tell you insecurities primarily, primarily come from

the gap between the idealized self we are told we should be

and the reality of who we are. I'll come again, insecurities

primarily come from the gap, a gap between the idealized.

When it's idealized, the lay down, the normal.

Let's put it down with the normal self we are told we

should be and the reality of who we are.

The origins are complex but generally started here.

Early programming. So the subconscious mind absorbs

messages. Absorbs messages from primary

caregivers, your teachers, your parents, and early media about

what makes a person valuable subconsciously so while you grow

up, your mind absorbs messages from primary caregivers like

your parents, your school teachers, your teachers are in

church, from the media, things you watch about what it makes a

person valuable. So you you just grew up.

Now they have start confirming you to EG beauty, performance,

compliance, ETC. And if these messages were

overly critical or conditional, the foundation of self worth is

weak. Another where another place's

repute is originated from his unmet needs.

According to mass laws hierarchy if safety, that's a stable

environment. Oblonging needs were chronically

unmet. The individual brain remains on

high alert, always seeking validation that they are good

enough to stay safe and accepted.

So that's another way insecurity generated on mating.

It's maybe your parents are the kind of people that go out every

time or yeah, don't always dare to talk to you if you have

anybody to talk to you. And suddenly when you find that

person you want to hold on tight, you don't leave that

person, you feel insecure or this person might need me

anytime soon. No, you can't go anywhere.

Those are insecurities another way, which is like a major

police origin of insecurities, cultural and societal standards.

And I hate society for this, so to speak.

I hate societal conformity. Who is the society?

Why would he confirm you and you you blindly follow?

I'll talk about something after this.

We are constantly measured against an ever shifting

external yardstick EG media image images, financial success

metrics, body ideas, ETC. Insecurity is often the result

of failing to meet unrealistic expectations or collective

expectations. I don't know if any of you had

this, but there's a storage rounding over lady who went to

go and do tummy talk because of what at 21 you're doing tummy

talk. And then the implication that

came after it. And I'm sure if you were going

to go and question this lady, you understand that the major

vision she did this was because of societal conditioning,

societal construct. As a lady, you are supposed to

have figure it. As a lady, you are supposed to

have big hips, big breasts, a moderate forehead, clumpy lips.

You're supposed to be tall, slim.

These are societal conformity. Who defined your beauty?

Who defined for guys? You must.

You must have, must kill her body.

You must have 6 packs. You must be tall, probably fair

or caramel with pink lips and have money and big Dick and sort

of sort of the nonsense they talk about.

And you are the accepting who defined your beauty.

They're coming to that. So there are major drivers of

insecurities. The major driver of insecurity

are fundamentally rooted in attachment theory, cognitive

psychology, and social learning theory and the O LED or core

belief I am not worthy or safe unless I meet an external

condition. So that is the core belief of

any insecurity to the major. One of the major psychological

or scientific driver of insecurity is conditional love

attachment theory. Insecure attachment styles arise

when a primary caregiver loves. A primary caregiver's love and

attention were inconsistent or dependent on the child's

behavior. Do you get so this is how

Insecute is actually started when a primary caregiver's love

and attention were inconsistent or dependent on on the child's

behavior. So if you're you're good, you

get love. If you're bad, you don't get

lost. You take first position, the

kids came for you take Class A woogie.

So you feel. You feel.

You start your life with a 0 balance.

Every achievement, complement or good deed is a small deposit.

Every mistake is a withdrawal. You constantly fear bankruptcy.

That is rejection. So you want to be accepted.

You want to be accepted. You know you don't feel enough

by yourself. You need somebody to tell you

are enough. You need that love.

Conditional love. Another way this can show is

social comparison theory. Humans have an innate drive to

evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others.

Innate though that means it is in bold, like it's in you.

And this process is exacerbated exacerbated by upward social

comparison. Comparing yourself to those who

seem better. Why not compare yourself to

those who you know you are better than, especially on

social media, Google and compare themselves to do we don't know?

Do you know what they are going through?

Do what is behind the camera. Do you know the health condition

yet? He compare social media and

created images are like a fun house mirror that only reflects

the very best angle of everyone else.

Making your normal flawed self look distorted and inferior by

comparison. Spending hours on Instagram

looking at models or PS successful careers and

concluding I'm not successful, I'm not beautiful enough despite

you having a good life. That's insecurity issues in

different ways, different different forms.

There's also the learned helplessness repeatedly exposed

to negative events over which a person had no control.

So when you are repeatedly exposed to negative events which

you have no control over them, it can lead you to believe that

you are fundamentally powerless even when you later have control

over it. Do you get so you were shocked

repeatedly as a child when you tried to cross a line meta

metaphorically, even after the boys turned off, you still fear

and avoid crossing that line because your pain is tried or

trained to expect pain. And I thought we avoid seeking

the promotion because they experienced chronic severe

criticism from your boss early in their career, even though

their current workspace is supportive.

So their major forms and kind of insecurities, which I'm, I'm

telling you that if you won't even have even to break free

from this integrity trap, you must understand the forms and

types of it. How do they show?

What color do they come in? What brand do they come in?

And this is what I'm going to tell you now.

Insecurities often cluster around specific ideas of life,

and they are displayed through defensive.

Behaviors or avoidance one OK appearance insecurity I call

this divisible insecurity or visible slash invisible because

somebody appearance some is beauty which involves body

appearance might be visible while others might be invisible

unless you are naked. Yeah, so feeling dissatisfied,

self-conscious or inadequate above 1 physicals, appearance,

weight or height or any specific feature.

And this is displayed in certain ways #1 avoidance, refusing to

take photos. Like me, I hardly take full body

pictures, I only take selfies. So it is a display of my own

insecurity cause of my body. Some people display their own by

wearing oversized concealing clothes, avoiding mirrors or

swimming. In fact, I don't think I

wouldn't swim of recent because I'd how do I how do I look in

your face? You get that's an insecurity

other who can display true fixation, excessively grooming,

dieting, working out or even spending money on clothes

cosmetic to fix the perceived flow.

And the thing with this thing is that they're not fix me for

themselves. No matter the shenanigas or the

yeah, yeah, yeah, they will tell you about, they're fixing it for

people the way people view them. And that is my problem.

So example, a person who constantly checks their

reflection and uses and refuses to attend the poverty because

their body isn't good enough. The person doesn't see a flaw in

their reflection, they see a flow in the mirror that is their

self perception and no amount of fixing of fixing the reflected

image will fix the internal distorted lens. 2 Social

insecurity fear of social judgment criticism, rejection,

exclusion a feeling of all belonging or not wanting of not

knowing how to act in a group this closely we take related to

social anxiety avoidance turning down invitations, avoiding eye

contact list how they displayed the turned out invitations, the

avoided contact being extremely quiet in groups or constantly

checking the phone during social events or they do

overcompensation, they talk too much talk, telling exaggerate

exaggerated stories online, being overly aggressive or boast

or boastful to try and control the narrative.

Relatable example is maybe someone who has a great idea in

a meeting but remain silent, convinced that your colleagues

would think that he or their his or his or the idea is very

stupid. Another example or form is the

professional performance insecurity.

So doubt about one's competence, intelligence skills or

professional pot potential. This is this often leads to the

imposter syndrome. So having imposter syndrome is a

form of insecurity, the feeling that one success is under

deserved or undeserved and one will soon be exposed as a fraud.

So people will display it with self sabotaging.

So procrastinating on much major event, turning down promotions

or avoiding challenging assignments.

Or they do it by overworking perfectionism, obsessively

checking work, or constantly seeking external reassurance of

praise from maybe their supervisor or their boss,

etcetera. For example, a highly skilled

executive who attributes a major successful project to Locke and

immediately begin to worry about the next one because he's

terrified of failure. There's also the relationship

insecurity, fear of abandonment, low self worth with a

partnership and constant worry that no ones that will your

partner will losing stress or live and this is often linked to

the anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment style.

I'm really speedy the crispy this with clinginess.

So people that you think I'm just clingy is a lie is a lie.

You're not just clingy detects ex excessively being constant

reassurance. Ask us another do you still love

me? And becoming inventionally

jealous of friends or coworkers. Or then they test written

arguments to drama or drama to test their partner's commitment.

Or constantly monitoring their partner's social media account

because they are insecure. Someone who has a panic attack

if their partner does not reply to a text within the next 30

minutes and they just immediately assume that that

silence means they're being cheated on or abandoned.

That is an insecurity. So let me give an analogy

analogy. It's like this person is an

empty bucket seeking to be filled up with their partners

love. But because the bucket as a

whole which is their self like loose self worth, the love is

constantly being drained out, requiring endless feeling or

revealing. And these are the major ways

people see insecurities people. These are the major forms of

insecurities. But then do you know that for

each and every security insecurity guy is not handled,

there is a major consequence in the future.

It is also a whole lot of things and it's important that you know

this at least that would be your major driving force to work on

dire insecurity because it always have consequences like

that gear. Now we've seen the consequences

of insecurity. See what here I resorted to

actually why she giving birth completely.

No, she hasn't. But then see her stomach called.

So it is essential that you also understand that for every

insecurity there is a consequence.

And I'm going to let you know what these consequences are.

Consequences of not dealing with insecurities, leaving them

unchecked is dangerous. Insecurity does not simply

remain a feeling, it becomes a core driver of maladaptive

behaviors that significantly harms 1's life, relationship and

mental health. So major consequences involves

self sabotaging show avoiding opportunities Jobs states

because of the fear of failure thus creating a self fulfilling

prophecy when the person confirms that they are belief

that they are unworthy. Ish through is can also be

linked back to confirmation biases.

So you so sabotage yourself because you feel that you are

not enough or worthy to go for the opportunity for that date.

These are consequences and this keeps you limited.

This keeps you worth limited to toxic relationship insecurities

to address a person to either clink or push away primitively

rejecting to avoid being rejected.

Double relationship in security. It was a person to either cling

that is the anxious attachment demanding constant reassurance

or push away. That's the avoidant attachment

primitively rejecting to avoid regime being rejected.

So you are rejecting to have been rejected or you demand

constant reassurance because you want don't want to be pushed

away. This is also consequences of

insecurities being not taken care of.

Three, this is the most important I would want to talk

about today. Or perverted or compulsive

sexual preference. Yes, unsolved deep seated

insecurity can contribute to the development of certain perverted

or compulsive sexual behaviors. Thus, paraphilias, if a person

feels powerless, insignificant, or worthy in their everyday

life, they may seek sexual experiences that involve a power

control. Power control, engaging

activities where they feel entirely in control or dominant

to compensate for the feeling out of control in their life or

objectification seeking partners who objectify them as this

aligns with their core belief that they are not worthy of

genuine emotional connection and only surface labor.

And that's why you see people that say I don't like men that

are soft hearted. I like my men to beat me There's

a there's a inner drive to that see compulsive seeking using sex

pornography or risky behavior as a form of intense temporary

validation or self sooting to distract from the chronic pain

of low self watch mental health disorders.

Some people is also results in the feeling of wanting to be

need accumulated. Who wants to be feel people who

know their sexual preference is being humiliated most of the

times is because of insecurities.

Yeah, there are some people like that.

They want to be humiliated, they want to be made feel don't we

need to feel less than they actually are And that is a

sexual preference. So this is mostly as a result of

their insecurities. But now I'm giving you a six

step on conventional mindset framework to overcome

insecurities. And this remove focuses on

actionable with framing based on modern concept like radical self

acceptance, embodied cognition and exposure therapy.

Step one, the identity divorce. So the mindset shift here is

that you need to separate your condition from your identity.

That's for the body. Insecurity is not who you are.

It is a topic or a problem you have to manage.

You can take the action today. Write the following sentence

down three times, filling the blanks.

You can see I have the inverter, the insecure condition.

Then you're not right. But I'm not the inverter, the

insecure condition. For example, I have Ebb's spouse

here, but I am not my disability.

I didn't even call it a disability 'cause it's not.

I have a fear of being judged, but I'm not a failure.

So to give a deep analogy of what this this, this thing is,

you should understand that you can own the car now, but you're

not the car. If the car breaks down, your

value as a person still remains intact, so that your insecurity

should not be. Your definition should not

define you. You get so you need to

understand that your insecurity is not who you are, but it's

something you need to manage to embrace the vulnerability.

Vulnerability tasks, mindset shifts.

Acknowledge that imperfection is the cost of entry for human

being or for being human. Improvising the cost of entry

for being human. Stop seeking 0 weeks.

Accept that vulnerability. The risk of judgement or

rejection is the tax you have to pay to live a full life.

So you assume that you need to be vulnerable to live a full

life, but that the vulnerability is the tax you pay for even the

full complete life. So one thing you can do today is

deliberately do one thing today that you've been avoiding

because of an insecure insecure thought.

Or start small but in security, EG small Dick or something like

that. Or big tummy or fat wears not

fitting clothes. Or wear loose fitting clothes

one day and actively stop yourself from adjusting.

Opening up the mirror too much and you can constantly look up

the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough if you even

have to look at the mirror. You, I know if you are good

looking, you are beautiful, you are handsome.

It works, believe me, it does. So social insecurity, raise your

hand to ask question. If that's your insecure social

insecurity, raise your hand to ask questions even if your voice

is slightly shaky. Your life is a club with a high

cover charge. Insecurity wants you to wait

outside onto the charge is waived.

But now the mindset is you pay the charge, you get in and you

stand dancing. So that is the mindset I want to

charge 3 competence and not confidence.

Competence not confidence. Confidence is the side effect of

competence. It is not the starting point.

Stop waiting to feel confidence. Start doing small concrete

concrete things to build competence.

The action creates the feeling. So for a professional skill or

for professionals or skill based insecurity, you could dedicate

15 minutes to deliberate focused practice on the skill you adapt.

Example, if you feel presenting, practice the 1st 60 seconds of

your next presentation alone until you do Florida State.

You don't you, you will not feel confident about the whole thing,

but you feel competence about the start.

You know you don't feel confident driving a car the

first time you sit in it or you become competence by practicing

cheering and breaking and the confidence will now appear.

So the more you engage in that doing that in, the more your

confidence is built, built up the Step 4, the 10/10/10 rule

for rumination, insecurity, strive on rumination.

That's the endless clinical or yes, cyclical worrying.

The endless cyclical worrying. Here's a structured fielder to

break that cycle actionable step when a strong insecurity or

insecure thought pops up. Example, I look ridiculous in

this outfits. Right order to look at yourself

and ask this three question. Will this maintain the next 10

minutes? Will this maintain the next 10

months? Will this maintain the next 10

years? See this rule is is acting as a

temporary magnifier. It instantly shrinks the

perceived size of the current wall by placing it on a much

larger context, revealing that most insecurities have a shelf

life of about 10 minutes. Yes.

So whenever you look at the body armor, say that this farts only

matter, it doesn't. Step 5, the So what?

Drill mindset shift. Desensitize yourself to the

worst case scenario. This is of avoiding the total

rejection and failure. Deliberately embrace it and

accept it. Identify the person's security.

EG your corkers would think you are stupid.

Now follow up with that. And then they don't think you're

calling me, think you're stupid. Think like this.

And So what? What if they do think and what?

What then will happen? Sophie, I don't ask this

question. I will sound stupid.

One more thing. I'm going to ask a question

today and I will sound stupid. And then what?

My coworkers might slurp or laugh and So what?

I will feel embarrassed for a minute and then words.

The meeting will move on and So what?

I'll still have my job, my home, my life, my friends, my

everything. This is a psychological fire

drill. You practice the escape route,

what you do after the worst happens.

So when the next fire alarm, that insecure thought rings, you

already know the building won't burn down number six, which is

like my best without the fuel, The Alchemist.

So treat the painful energy of insecurity as a raw intense

fuel, but change the engine that uses it.

Stop using it to run the shame engine trying to prove people

wrong and start using it to run the purpose engine improving

yourself growth The next time you feel a spike of insecurity.

Example, after an E internal critique, acknowledge the energy

spike. Move the channel that that that

restless energy into a disciplined action that serves

your core values and not your ego.

Example. He love scrolling through social

media for validation. Use the nervous system to clean

your works place and read 1 chapter of a book related to

your future goal. You are an alchemist.

The negative emotion of insecurity does.

The lead has a lot of energy and your job is to convert a high

intensity lead into a good sustainable effort that serves

your future and not your past. Your insecurity should be your

motivation, but then it has a side effect if it is your major

motivation. And is only motivating you to go

and do something or if you not do that thing, it will come back

again. So not just seeing it as a

motivation, but seeing it as a reason to try, but seeing it as

as a reason to re channel that energy as a part of your

existence rather as part of your existence.

Right. Live about the stereotype.

Live about the stereotype. You're what more You're

beautiful, you're intelligent, you're smart, you're creative,

You matter just the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you

otherwise. There is beauty in diversity and

it is what gives life beauty, color, tune, everything.

Your insecurity. You don't have flat tummy.

You don't have big boobs. You don't have big boards, you

don't have a good jaw line, you don't have dimples, you don't

have pink lips. It should be your unique

difference. In fact, it should be called

unique differences, not insecurities.

So this should be your motivation to stand out from the

crowd and succeed and not a reason to question God's

creation. This is not a reason to question

God's creation. So looking back, you've been

able to cover the definition of insecurity, where it comes from,

the major forms, the consequences, and the

unconventional system frameworks of insecurities.

My final take or thoughts on this is that yes, insecurity,

your insecurity is valid, but like I said, you are, you own a

car. That car is like your

insecurity, right? It is part of you, but it is not

you. But it is your duty to manage

that car. It is your duty to manage that

insecurity. It is your body duty to fuel.

It's your duty to use it for a better use.

So turn that insecurity into your own for turn that

insecurity into a reason to thrive.

Yeah. So I hope this podcast spoke to

you in any way. And if you did, I want you to

share this on your story, on your Instagram story, on what

type statues, whatever. Invite someone to listen, rate

the podcast, subscribe to the channel or source or follow the

podcast wherever you listen on Spotify, on YouTube, on our

podcast. And yeah, take one tiny step

today on the insecurity and take that tiny step to make sure that

your insecurity is not going to work against here.

I can always say your struggles don't define you, your

mentality, it transforms you. And I'm here just to inspire you

and I hope I did. Peace.

Field Notes