Felt Behind? Here’s the Simple Reset You Can Start Now.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Morning Gear podcast and this is the Morning Gear with Danny. And I'm Daniel Genzi, educator here to transform your identity by refining your mentality. And like I earlier stated on my WhatsApp status, I was going to make and unusual episode of the Morning Gear podcast, the Morning Gear Podcast. So this is going to be unlike the usual education that we have, but this is going to be from, I'm trying to understand it perspective. So I'm going to be explaining to you everything that happened.

No, I stated that there were some questions I was asking myself at some point, and that day was not funny. Let me tell you, that day was not funny. But then willing to unravel all those things, the questions like, why is growth important? What's the need for growth? What am I even chasing? Why do I even need to keep pushing just like that? My head was just wondering at that point, and I started to share. Maybe someone has felt this before. Let's get vulnerable together, right? So I was there sitting and my mind was just wandering.

I woke up early in the morning, like very early that morning. But by the time I left the house, I think it was 10:00 AM and I woke up as early as five and I was late for work, woke up early, came out late while I was operating my phone one is calling the next minute late. And also my bag was kind of acting up though I had to kind of fix the bag that morning before going out for work. And I actually do not like coming out late. So I came out late. So my boss, he called me, he was like divine where my, where my leads and all this stuff.

I know he does not like it. I myself does not like it Tonight I'm all stamped told about a particular thing. OK, come out late very well. And but then I'm trying to improve. Like I said, I was improving and God, this day was so, so different. Very, very different. I didn't even know the name of the pin I was feeling. I just knew that I was kind of tired more kind of I was tired. Oh, not the sleep kind of tired, not the burnout kind of tired. Would I call it the kind of tiredness that sits on your chest?

Like would I call it the so tired I was, I was so tired. So I sat down at work and I was just wondering, my coat was just going around. What's exactly wrong with me That morning? I had to start reflecting on my whole life. Why am I so unserious? Why do I come to lock work late? Because I'm supposed not to do that. I'm supposed to be up. I'm supposed to be on time. I do not like coming late. My boss notices even to have my energy looks kind of low and all this stuff. And I felt it. I don't like people talking on the same issue over and over again, but then I'll come to work do it.

Sometimes I do that intentionally, but there are times where I know I'm not doing anything for I say for I'll still come to work late. Then I'll come or feel so uneasy or feel. So you know, when you come to work late or school late, when you please leave, you have to take a while before you even settle in. That's how it is. And then I was wondering, wondering about a whole lot of things. My ISE squares are fighting cybersecurity exams, which I should be having by the ending of this month, which is my first attempt, which is free, and I cannot afford to fail.

But did I read? No, I did not. I had the time. I did not use it. I watched news, I scrolled, I taped. I wasted hour I could have used. I kept promising myself later, but that later has not come. Do I have the materials? Yes. Have lots of questions I need to go through. I have practice exams, practice exams I need to take before the final, going to the physical exams and everything. But again, not on that. On my podcast, my record, I had it. I export on Adobe podcast, reduce, do all those stuff, all the processes and sometimes I borrow that the views or the listens are not, though I I appreciate the listens, but I want more, right?

I want more and that it kind of has an effect on me after the shares, after the advertisement, after all the stuff right now also LinkedIn, everything I'm talking about is everything I was thinking about that morning. I'm going to explain to you

what, because I was not, I was not understanding what the feeling was at that moment. I'm going to unravel what that feeling was. And maybe you'd also notice that you've actually felt this, maybe to bring it to sort of to, to, to a sort of realization of what has been happening, right. So LinkedIn was there. I wanted to post consistent 'cause I have not post for over a week, over 2 weeks, over three weeks now, don't know over three weeks what 2 weeks. I've not post dead 'cause I think of the idea of waking up attacks, praying, engaging for 30 minutes or to an hour, them posting, engaging again, passing, running to work.

As I'm explaining that is heavy. So these are kind of what I do when I post on LinkedIn every morning. And these are kind of what actually make me calmly right to work. It's like I'm doing the second job and it's just because I want to get visible on intern and I don't have enough energy for that routine at the moment. So I stopped. The joke was that I was really tired, I felt messy, I felt behind. I compared, I scrawled through people's wind, coasting big moments, putting up their achievements, putting up everything, their perfect lives, and looked at my own timeline and and thought, why am I not there yet?

Divine, why not there yet? That comparison crept in like something I did not know was there right? I I can boast that I could not compare. I can literally tell you I do not compare myself to anybody. But that day I had realized that OK, Divine, this is actually comparison, right? I did not know what to do. I was so, so helpless. And before I even came to this realization, I did something. I opened my phone and I typed, went to chat GTP and type ChatGPT RAM and typed and I wrote everything like I was dumping everything was in my head.

I used those. The microphone, I did not type. I use the microphone to like speak out my mind and I spoke. I felt so tired. I woke early this morning but I wasted time. I'm late, I have exams, I have a podcast, I want to post a LinkedIn. I can't follow through. I'm scrolling. I don't know what to call this feeling talks like that. How do I even fix this? What's actually wrong with me? I'm so unserious. I was just owing everything. I was just explaining, explaining everything there, right. And yeah, that led to a whole level of realization, actually, to know what was actually wrong with divine.

And then tragically gave a reply. It was not like magic was not that perfectable. He did something. They've tried to put word on

what in my chest already knew, on what I already knew. He told me things like this is mental fatigue mixed with avoidance, mental fatigue mixed with avoidance, your overstimulated decision fatigue. And there's do and there's this dopamine seeking behavior. It described the loop I was in scrolling to suit, which only depends deepens, deepens the kilt, which leads to more scrolling, right? And then it said something I felt like slapping myself or not realizing earlier. You are comparing yourself the vine.

You are comparing yourself to others and that was why I was feeling behind. That was why I was having this emotions, this roller coaster of emotions, 'cause I was comparing soptly, you know, not in a loud way, sopt to quiet, but it's stealing me. It said, and I quote, you're measuring your behind the scenes were other people's highlights reels. You're comparing your process with your results and that was when I understood everything. That was the hit for me. I remembered sitting and saying Kai, oh, this is actually what was doing meal.

This was actually my problem

because I realized that I was the problem, not the world, not that I was the problem. Yes, I was not exactly, but I was trying to control things that are out of my control. I was trying to control the engagements, the like the listens, the shares, the people who comments, all of those things. But I cannot possibly control. And because I focused my watch on those things, I got exhausted. So kind of exhaust meant.

So I wondered Nancy, I wanted how to fix this. Then GDP, GDP told me, told me, focus on what you can control.

That's the work, that's the little fortress you build. You control showing up, you control the recording, you control the editing. We control the one hour of study. You control one post a week and everything. You cannot control a stranger's heart, you know. And it also said something else started on one herb. It's not 5. Not a whole morning routine that kills you. Just go and like study 30 minutes afterward before you touch your phone. Do that for a week. When your brain treats, treats you like that, then you get certain points when you be fully ready, when you've come to a certain level of peace, then you add another habit to it.

Make failure harder than success and all those stuff, right? And I read that I felt lighter extremely because I suddenly saw that the plan wasn't flashy but was possible.

So I was still talking to chat. CBI was like OK I cannot fail that exam right? What if I reschedule is that if you're not in the headspace for it, please reschedule. Do try it. Protect your bandwidth. And that sank him. So I had decided to reschedule the exams and everything and he gave me a routine that OK before that, it got to a point that it got to a point that I was literally crying. I don't know how to explain this price. I, I know where I want to go to. I know where I want to be. I know where the vine is supposed to be.

I know where I I have a dream, I have an ambition, I have a goal. I'm striving to attain that height right. And this is the divine of the present. This is the divine becoming, that divine he is at is, is grieving for, right? And the whole process, this whole process of becoming, this whole good process, these all, this whole underground Rd. this whole invisible group process, it felt overwhelming to me. And do you know why it felt overwhelming? Because I wasn't, like I said, I wasn't focusing on my role per SE.

I was measuring my growth. I was measuring my worth. I was measuring how how much I've grown to how people perceived my growth, right?

That's why I was always about the likes. I was always about engagements, my LinkedIn or my Facebook. I started Facebook posting, I stopped. I started Instagram, I stopped. I started Ting Ting and would I say I've stopped LinkedIn now, right? No, this was because I was also seeking external validation. I was also seeking external validation. It felt so bad. If I remember it felt so bad. I don't want to explain, but I really felt so bad that I began to cry the value of someone who teach. You are someone who educates.

You are someone who is trying to also teach people. And I came to a realization that OK took away. You actually are. So you have been softly doing this thing. In fact, if I post and I do not see any like I feel bad, but am I supposed to feel bad? No, I'm not my makeup podcast episode and I post it. Am I supposed to feel bad if no one listens? No, I'm not supposed to feel bad. Why am I supposed not to feel bad? Because that is out of my control. I post a podcast is within my control. I try to reach as many people as possible with the info key.

I've dropped a new episode that's within my control. Well, if anybody listens or they do not listen, that's outside my control. This podcast is sort of a training ground for me to improve my speaking abilities, right? And the facts that as I constantly continue doing this, either you listen or not, I'm getting better. I'm getting better at speaking, I'm getting better at communication, right? And that's what matters. My worth, my growth is not measured by the engagements because if I focused on that, that is done, done.

What am I doing? I could not grow because if I lived, if I removed that as my focus, I'm focused on bookie basically growing, becoming more good on this craft. I will better perform. I would not have not felt that way. I felt so this is what I came to realize Divine stop measuring your growth, your worth to external validations, external happenings to things outside of your control right, and also this was there was another comparison thing inside talk to like I said, it was very subtle talk to subtle.

I don't know which is correct Soto right. I never knew I was comparing. I look at top LinkedIn creators, look up these people that enter LinkedIn seven months now I'm ready there for the what I call it air close now and look how I am look at them back in seven months and all this I've been in my head without me realizing that OK divine you are comparing. I have friends who have gotten awards who are making impact and look at you. What have you achieved? But to be told as an 18 year old, I have achieved way more than an average 18 year old Nigeria would Nigerian would I have achieved way more than that.

So I shouldn't be comparing what I was softly. And when I came to that realization, I cried because ABBA I, I hold my myself with high extent that somebody of my caliber, so to speak, should not be caught comparing, but I was. I cried though, like I cried, you've not understand. I was literally crying. But then I thank God for that realization and it has helped me do a lot of it has helped me improve. So after then I decided to come to a conclusion by OK, I'll stop coming late. Wow, OK. I wake up early in the morning, only use my phone till after I leave for work.

And then after that I come back. If I have strength to read, I read, if I don't, I think. I know we schedule my ICIC square satisfied in service security exam for probably next month, right? But I know it feels like what what is your take from this? What is your take from all this? Miss? If I'm thinking, what do you even take from this? I was looking at myself and with the whole realization, I had to recognize myself by divine. We're going to make this decision not to compare. I'm going to make the decision to follow through with you podcast.

We're going to make this decision to come back in five years time and measure your growth and compare yourself. But you know, you're comparing that yourself too. You're comparing at five years old that that, that that divine of five years time to come, the next five years to come and the divine of now that we are comparing to because everybody has a different journey. Everyone has a different good phase. Everyone has a different growth journey. Rather all I see, I don't know, everyone has a defect.

Yeah, all fingers are not equal, right? I was listening to a video to the old woman and she said that is whenever you wake up, that's when your morning start, right? Whenever you wake up, that's when your morning, your morning starts. You plant a maze and you plant a an orange tree. This maize will sprout up in the next three to five days, produce fruits and die in the next three months, three to four months. But this orange will be on that soil for over close to close, close to weeks before sprouting.

Then go grow, take to three years to even grow, to even start producing fruits. But then that orange is going to last over 15 years and it will survive and to keep on producing food. That's how good it is. Good things takes time, right? So I don't know if you felt like this before. I don't know if you experienced something of this sort where you come out and you feel so my mates are dear me, I'm here, forget about that thing. I'll tell you is that focus on becoming a better version of yourself. Focus on doing something better.

Focus on improving every day. Focus on learning something new. Focus on removing that would cover character that would habit. Focus on rebranding yourself. Always on putting your effort in becoming better. I promise myself that in the next 5 years I'll be more self aware. self-awareness is beautiful. I'll be more self aware. I'll be more mentally strong. So I'll be helping others as well. Not coming from a place of, oh, I know this, but coming from a place of I've experienced this and I've lived through it and I know you can't do that, right?

So if I listen to this five years from now on to remember that, that loop, that shame, that schooling, that exam panic, that podcast, that grind, that loneliness, that crying, the chats and everything. And then the peace that came after the promise to myself, the baseline of everything. I woke up the next morning and it was beautiful. I felt different. I felt different. Geez, I was there was this peace. Except that what I decided to do was that OK? I wake up every morning. I pray, I take my bath, I eat, I go to work, then I starts when I will use my phone after I stepped out of the house, then come back if I have strength to read.

And I did that for that first day. God, literally, I was so so so so had pitched myself duh. As I was praying, this song came to my mind and I was going to think I had promised myself I would bring on the forecast to hear what I sound like. Bo, I was really torching. If you knew the song, please sing along.

I don't sing well. It is. Well, it is. Well, with my soul. With my soul, it is well. It is.

Well, I turn that to my way. I don't know. Lyrics, whatever by my heart I swore me to say it is. Well, it is with my soul. I felt relieved, like I'm being relieved already. God, I don't I, I, I wish you understand how I felt that day. I don't know if anybody has felt this, but that feeling was was good. What reason? As the Bible says, all things work together for good. To them I love God and to them were called according to his purpose. I know God had the reason for me being that way. If I had not felt that way I'd have not realized the shit I was in right The comparison loop and everything.

But I'm grateful that I was able to even get to that realization. And yeah, So what? You have to get away from this. Please focus on what you can control. Can't control the likes. You can't control who listens. You can't control your boss. You can't control your your lecturers. Focus on what you can control. Leave the rest right. We focus on what you can control. Comparison loses his power. You stop trying to win other people you. You stop trying to win other people's scoreboard. You bid on scoreboard.

You compare yourself to the you of yesterday. And that's the real metric. So my take away is that I'll keep going. I'll keep showing up. I'll keep making it harder to feel. Can't drift. I reschedule the exam so I don't bone my free attempt. I'll post, I'll try to post 1 honest episode a week and I'll engage for 10 minutes a day on LinkedIn. I'll sleep, I'll eat, I'll practice, I'll sing it as well and when I need to. And I'll come back here and listen to every episode of mine to remind myself that OK, I did not quit.

So this is me, divine, talking to divine, and not for the engagement, nor for the listeners, nor for the applause, but for the quiet walk, the quiet walk of becoming, for the person who listens to these in five years time and says you didn't quit Tetomi's diet right now, breathe small steps, one promise at a time. Focus on what you can control. Divine and let everything else go. I will keep what I will keep going. So take my word for it, because what you can control, psychology calls it the locus of control.

They have the internal locus of control and have the external locus of control. I was not going to talk about this whole topic, but I was maybe some other episode. I'm going to tell you about the locus of control and everything for focus on your locus of control. What's reading your reach and you noticed a better peel to life. You cannot control people reactions. You cannot control how they respond to you, but you can't control how you respond to them, right? You can post that video, you can control shooting that video, you can control editing it.

You can control advertising it. You can't control sharing it, but you cannot control the engagement. You cannot control if you to blow it nor blue. So just do what you can do unless the rest fall in place. Does my signing out and saying, as always, I just can't inspire peace? Music.

Field Notes