Felt Behind? Here’s the Simple Reset You Can Start Now.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Morning Gear podcast and this is

the Morning Gear with Danny. And I'm Daniel Genzi, educator

here to transform your identity by refining your mentality.

And like I earlier stated on my WhatsApp status, I was going to

make and unusual episode of the Morning Gear podcast, the

Morning Gear Podcast. So this is going to be unlike

the usual education that we have, but this is going to be

from, I'm trying to understand it perspective.

So I'm going to be explaining to you everything that happened.

No, I stated that there were some questions I was asking

myself at some point, and that day was not funny.

Let me tell you, that day was not funny.

But then willing to unravel all those things, the questions

like, why is growth important? What's the need for growth?

What am I even chasing? Why do I even need to keep

pushing just like that? My head was just wondering at

that point, and I started to share.

Maybe someone has felt this before.

Let's get vulnerable together, right?

So I was there sitting and my mind was just wandering.

I woke up early in the morning, like very early that morning.

But by the time I left the house, I think it was 10:00 AM

and I woke up as early as five and I was late for work, woke up

early, came out late while I was operating my phone one is

calling the next minute late. And also my bag was kind of

acting up though I had to kind of fix the bag that morning

before going out for work. And I actually do not like

coming out late. So I came out late.

So my boss, he called me, he was like divine where my, where my

leads and all this stuff. I know he does not like it.

I myself does not like it Tonight I'm all stamped told

about a particular thing. OK, come out late very well.

And but then I'm trying to improve.

Like I said, I was improving and God, this day was so, so

different. Very, very different.

I didn't even know the name of the pin I was feeling.

I just knew that I was kind of tired more kind of I was tired.

Oh, not the sleep kind of tired, not the burnout kind of tired.

Would I call it the kind of tiredness that sits on your

chest? Like would I call it the so

tired I was, I was so tired. So I sat down at work and I was

just wondering, my coat was just going around.

What's exactly wrong with me That morning?

I had to start reflecting on my whole life.

Why am I so unserious? Why do I come to lock work late?

Because I'm supposed not to do that.

I'm supposed to be up. I'm supposed to be on time.

I do not like coming late. My boss notices even to have my

energy looks kind of low and all this stuff.

And I felt it. I don't like people talking on

the same issue over and over again, but then I'll come to

work do it. Sometimes I do that

intentionally, but there are times where I know I'm not doing

anything for I say for I'll still come to work late.

Then I'll come or feel so uneasy or feel.

So you know, when you come to work late or school late, when

you please leave, you have to take a while before you even

settle in. That's how it is.

And then I was wondering, wondering about a whole lot of

things. My ISE squares are fighting

cybersecurity exams, which I should be having by the ending

of this month, which is my first attempt, which is free, and I

cannot afford to fail. But did I read?

No, I did not. I had the time.

I did not use it. I watched news, I scrolled, I

taped. I wasted hour I could have used.

I kept promising myself later, but that later has not come.

Do I have the materials? Yes.

Have lots of questions I need to go through.

I have practice exams, practice exams I need to take before the

final, going to the physical exams and everything.

But again, not on that. On my podcast, my record, I had

it. I export on Adobe podcast,

reduce, do all those stuff, all the processes and sometimes I

borrow that the views or the listens are not, though I I

appreciate the listens, but I want more, right?

I want more and that it kind of has an effect on me after the

shares, after the advertisement, after all the stuff right now

also LinkedIn, everything I'm talking about is everything I

was thinking about that morning. I'm going to explain to you

what, because I was not, I was not understanding what the

feeling was at that moment. I'm going to unravel what that

feeling was. And maybe you'd also notice that

you've actually felt this, maybe to bring it to sort of to, to,

to a sort of realization of what has been happening, right.

So LinkedIn was there. I wanted to post consistent

'cause I have not post for over a week, over 2 weeks, over three

weeks now, don't know over three weeks what 2 weeks.

I've not post dead 'cause I think of the idea of waking up

attacks, praying, engaging for 30 minutes or to an hour, them

posting, engaging again, passing, running to work.

As I'm explaining that is heavy. So these are kind of what I do

when I post on LinkedIn every morning.

And these are kind of what actually make me calmly right to

work. It's like I'm doing the second

job and it's just because I want to get visible on intern and I

don't have enough energy for that routine at the moment.

So I stopped. The joke was that I was really

tired, I felt messy, I felt behind.

I compared, I scrawled through people's wind, coasting big

moments, putting up their achievements, putting up

everything, their perfect lives, and looked at my own timeline

and and thought, why am I not there yet?

Divine, why not there yet? That comparison crept in like

something I did not know was there right?

I I can boast that I could not compare.

I can literally tell you I do not compare myself to anybody.

But that day I had realized that OK, Divine, this is actually

comparison, right? I did not know what to do.

I was so, so helpless. And before I even came to this

realization, I did something. I opened my phone and I typed,

went to chat GTP and type ChatGPT RAM and typed and I

wrote everything like I was dumping everything was in my

head. I used those.

The microphone, I did not type. I use the microphone to like

speak out my mind and I spoke. I felt so tired.

I woke early this morning but I wasted time.

I'm late, I have exams, I have a podcast, I want to post a

LinkedIn. I can't follow through.

I'm scrolling. I don't know what to call this

feeling talks like that. How do I even fix this?

What's actually wrong with me? I'm so unserious.

I was just owing everything. I was just explaining,

explaining everything there, right.

And yeah, that led to a whole level of realization, actually,

to know what was actually wrong with divine.

And then tragically gave a reply.

It was not like magic was not that perfectable.

He did something. They've tried to put word on

what in my chest already knew, on what I already knew.

He told me things like this is mental fatigue mixed with

avoidance, mental fatigue mixed with avoidance, your

overstimulated decision fatigue. And there's do and there's this

dopamine seeking behavior. It described the loop I was in

scrolling to suit, which only depends deepens, deepens the

kilt, which leads to more scrolling, right?

And then it said something I felt like slapping myself or not

realizing earlier. You are comparing yourself the

vine. You are comparing yourself to

others and that was why I was feeling behind.

That was why I was having this emotions, this roller coaster of

emotions, 'cause I was comparing soptly, you know, not in a loud

way, sopt to quiet, but it's stealing me.

It said, and I quote, you're measuring your behind the scenes

were other people's highlights reels.

You're comparing your process with your results and that was

when I understood everything. That was the hit for me.

I remembered sitting and saying Kai, oh, this is actually what

was doing meal. This was actually my problem

because I realized that I was the problem, not the world, not

that I was the problem. Yes, I was not exactly, but I

was trying to control things that are out of my control.

I was trying to control the engagements, the like the

listens, the shares, the people who comments, all of those

things. But I cannot possibly control.

And because I focused my watch on those things, I got

exhausted. So kind of exhaust meant.

So I wondered Nancy, I wanted how to fix this.

Then GDP, GDP told me, told me, focus on what you can control.

That's the work, that's the little fortress you build.

You control showing up, you control the recording, you

control the editing. We control the one hour of

study. You control one post a week and

everything. You cannot control a stranger's

heart, you know. And it also said something else

started on one herb. It's not 5.

Not a whole morning routine that kills you.

Just go and like study 30 minutes afterward before you

touch your phone. Do that for a week.

When your brain treats, treats you like that, then you get

certain points when you be fully ready, when you've come to a

certain level of peace, then you add another habit to it.

Make failure harder than success and all those stuff, right?

And I read that I felt lighter extremely because I suddenly saw

that the plan wasn't flashy but was possible.

So I was still talking to chat. CBI was like OK I cannot fail

that exam right? What if I reschedule is that if

you're not in the headspace for it, please reschedule.

Do try it. Protect your bandwidth.

And that sank him. So I had decided to reschedule

the exams and everything and he gave me a routine that OK before

that, it got to a point that it got to a point that I was

literally crying. I don't know how to explain this

price. I, I know where I want to go to.

I know where I want to be. I know where the vine is

supposed to be. I know where I I have a dream, I

have an ambition, I have a goal. I'm striving to attain that

height right. And this is the divine of the

present. This is the divine becoming,

that divine he is at is, is grieving for, right?

And the whole process, this whole process of becoming, this

whole good process, these all, this whole underground Rd. this

whole invisible group process, it felt overwhelming to me.

And do you know why it felt overwhelming?

Because I wasn't, like I said, I wasn't focusing on my role per

SE. I was measuring my growth.

I was measuring my worth. I was measuring how how much

I've grown to how people perceived my growth, right?

That's why I was always about the likes.

I was always about engagements, my LinkedIn or my Facebook.

I started Facebook posting, I stopped.

I started Instagram, I stopped. I started Ting Ting and would I

say I've stopped LinkedIn now, right?

No, this was because I was also seeking external validation.

I was also seeking external validation.

It felt so bad. If I remember it felt so bad.

I don't want to explain, but I really felt so bad that I began

to cry the value of someone who teach.

You are someone who educates. You are someone who is trying to

also teach people. And I came to a realization that

OK took away. You actually are.

So you have been softly doing this thing.

In fact, if I post and I do not see any like I feel bad, but am

I supposed to feel bad? No, I'm not my makeup podcast

episode and I post it. Am I supposed to feel bad if no

one listens? No, I'm not supposed to feel

bad. Why am I supposed not to feel

bad? Because that is out of my

control. I post a podcast is within my

control. I try to reach as many people as

possible with the info key. I've dropped a new episode

that's within my control. Well, if anybody listens or they

do not listen, that's outside my control.

This podcast is sort of a training ground for me to

improve my speaking abilities, right?

And the facts that as I constantly continue doing this,

either you listen or not, I'm getting better.

I'm getting better at speaking, I'm getting better at

communication, right? And that's what matters.

My worth, my growth is not measured by the engagements

because if I focused on that, that is done, done.

What am I doing? I could not grow because if I

lived, if I removed that as my focus, I'm focused on bookie

basically growing, becoming more good on this craft.

I will better perform. I would not have not felt that

way. I felt so this is what I came to

realize Divine stop measuring your growth, your worth to

external validations, external happenings to things outside of

your control right, and also this was there was another

comparison thing inside talk to like I said, it was very subtle

talk to subtle. I don't know which is correct

Soto right. I never knew I was comparing.

I look at top LinkedIn creators, look up these people that enter

LinkedIn seven months now I'm ready there for the what I call

it air close now and look how I am look at them back in seven

months and all this I've been in my head without me realizing

that OK divine you are comparing.

I have friends who have gotten awards who are making impact and

look at you. What have you achieved?

But to be told as an 18 year old, I have achieved way more

than an average 18 year old Nigeria would Nigerian would I

have achieved way more than that.

So I shouldn't be comparing what I was softly.

And when I came to that realization, I cried because

ABBA I, I hold my myself with high extent that somebody of my

caliber, so to speak, should not be caught comparing, but I was.

I cried though, like I cried, you've not understand.

I was literally crying. But then I thank God for that

realization and it has helped me do a lot of it has helped me

improve. So after then I decided to come

to a conclusion by OK, I'll stop coming late.

Wow, OK. I wake up early in the morning,

only use my phone till after I leave for work.

And then after that I come back. If I have strength to read, I

read, if I don't, I think. I know we schedule my ICIC

square satisfied in service security exam for probably next

month, right? But I know it feels like what

what is your take from this? What is your take from all this?

Miss? If I'm thinking, what do you

even take from this? I was looking at myself and with

the whole realization, I had to recognize myself by divine.

We're going to make this decision not to compare.

I'm going to make the decision to follow through with you

podcast. We're going to make this

decision to come back in five years time and measure your

growth and compare yourself. But you know, you're comparing

that yourself too. You're comparing at five years

old that that, that that divine of five years time to come, the

next five years to come and the divine of now that we are

comparing to because everybody has a different journey.

Everyone has a different good phase.

Everyone has a different growth journey.

Rather all I see, I don't know, everyone has a defect.

Yeah, all fingers are not equal, right?

I was listening to a video to the old woman and she said that

is whenever you wake up, that's when your morning start, right?

Whenever you wake up, that's when your morning, your morning

starts. You plant a maze and you plant a

an orange tree. This maize will sprout up in the

next three to five days, produce fruits and die in the next three

months, three to four months. But this orange will be on that

soil for over close to close, close to weeks before sprouting.

Then go grow, take to three years to even grow, to even

start producing fruits. But then that orange is going to

last over 15 years and it will survive and to keep on producing

food. That's how good it is.

Good things takes time, right? So I don't know if you felt like

this before. I don't know if you experienced

something of this sort where you come out and you feel so my

mates are dear me, I'm here, forget about that thing.

I'll tell you is that focus on becoming a better version of

yourself. Focus on doing something better.

Focus on improving every day. Focus on learning something new.

Focus on removing that would cover character that would

habit. Focus on rebranding yourself.

Always on putting your effort in becoming better.

I promise myself that in the next 5 years I'll be more self

aware. self-awareness is beautiful.

I'll be more self aware. I'll be more mentally strong.

So I'll be helping others as well.

Not coming from a place of, oh, I know this, but coming from a

place of I've experienced this and I've lived through it and I

know you can't do that, right? So if I listen to this five

years from now on to remember that, that loop, that shame,

that schooling, that exam panic, that podcast, that grind, that

loneliness, that crying, the chats and everything.

And then the peace that came after the promise to myself, the

baseline of everything. I woke up the next morning and

it was beautiful. I felt different.

I felt different. Geez, I was there was this

peace. Except that what I decided to do

was that OK? I wake up every morning.

I pray, I take my bath, I eat, I go to work, then I starts when I

will use my phone after I stepped out of the house, then

come back if I have strength to read.

And I did that for that first day.

God, literally, I was so so so so had pitched myself duh.

As I was praying, this song came to my mind and I was going to

think I had promised myself I would bring on the forecast to

hear what I sound like. Bo, I was really torching.

If you knew the song, please sing along.

I don't sing well. It is.

Well, it is. Well, with my soul.

With my soul, it is well. It is.

Well, I turn that to my way. I don't know.

Lyrics, whatever by my heart I swore me to say it is.

Well, it is with my soul. I felt relieved, like I'm being

relieved already. God, I don't I, I, I wish you

understand how I felt that day. I don't know if anybody has felt

this, but that feeling was was good.

What reason? As the Bible says, all things

work together for good. To them I love God and to them

were called according to his purpose.

I know God had the reason for me being that way.

If I had not felt that way I'd have not realized the shit I was

in right The comparison loop and everything.

But I'm grateful that I was able to even get to that realization.

And yeah, So what? You have to get away from this.

Please focus on what you can control.

Can't control the likes. You can't control who listens.

You can't control your boss. You can't control your your

lecturers. Focus on what you can control.

Leave the rest right. We focus on what you can

control. Comparison loses his power.

You stop trying to win other people you.

You stop trying to win other people's scoreboard.

You bid on scoreboard. You compare yourself to the you

of yesterday. And that's the real metric.

So my take away is that I'll keep going.

I'll keep showing up. I'll keep making it harder to

feel. Can't drift.

I reschedule the exam so I don't bone my free attempt.

I'll post, I'll try to post 1 honest episode a week and I'll

engage for 10 minutes a day on LinkedIn.

I'll sleep, I'll eat, I'll practice, I'll sing it as well

and when I need to. And I'll come back here and

listen to every episode of mine to remind myself that OK, I did

not quit. So this is me, divine, talking

to divine, and not for the engagement, nor for the

listeners, nor for the applause, but for the quiet walk, the

quiet walk of becoming, for the person who listens to these in

five years time and says you didn't quit Tetomi's diet right

now, breathe small steps, one promise at a time.

Focus on what you can control. Divine and let everything else

go. I will keep what I will keep

going. So take my word for it, because

what you can control, psychology calls it the locus of control.

They have the internal locus of control and have the external

locus of control. I was not going to talk about

this whole topic, but I was maybe some other episode.

I'm going to tell you about the locus of control and everything

for focus on your locus of control.

What's reading your reach and you noticed a better peel to

life. You cannot control people

reactions. You cannot control how they

respond to you, but you can't control how you respond to them,

right? You can post that video, you can

control shooting that video, you can control editing it.

You can control advertising it. You can't control sharing it,

but you cannot control the engagement.

You cannot control if you to blow it nor blue.

So just do what you can do unless the rest fall in place.

Does my signing out and saying, as always, I just can't inspire

peace? Music.

Field Notes